"A WORLD APART"
I sit in a room full of strangers
Some are family, some friends
But strangers none the less
They talk, they laugh, they argue
They whisper secrets to one another
I am part of them - and yet I am
A WORLD APART
I have taken the first step toward death
My final journey through life
And though I have not yet passed
I am neither here nor there
Asleep or awake, Yin or Yang
I am merely
A WORLD APART
Some might say In acceptance I am already dead
Except I still feel pain and confusion
Emptiness and loneliness
My emotions run the gamut
From the Ridiculous to the Sublime
Sadness to elation and still
A WORLD APART
Apart from every day happenings
A recent invitation
A birthday, a gathering
Apart from things that once
Seemed important
But no longer are .. Being
A WORLD APART
I know that I am not afraid to die
I 'm afraid of living with the knowledge
that I am dying
To know that soon I will never again
See the sun rise or set
nor the moon and stars brighten the sky
Or never again to hear the laughter
Of children as they move innocently
through their childhood
A WORLD APART
I think now of my past and of all
The things I should have done
but didn't
The things I dreamed of doing
but constantly let other
things get in my way
There were times when dying
looked sweet
A way out , an escape
From all my sorrows, and all my pain
and my troubles
Which at the time seemed so insurmountable
But now that dying
is my reality
I WANT TO LIVE
ONE MORE YEAR, ONE MORE MONTH
ONE MORE WEEK, ONE MORE DAY
ONE MORE MOMENT
To see and touch and experience
All of Life and all that it holds
All of it's beauty
To LIVE and ENJOY and EMBRACE
All my family and friends
And no longer be
A WORLD APART
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1 comment:
Jo, when i saw your poem it startled me.
I have been thinking of you a lot and I wonder what you are feeling.
I too am aware during our conversations that you are a little removed.
The whole thing is so crazy because you don't look sick. I think we need to chant more. i think it is possible to not be a world apart. or maybe this is just space that you are carving out for yourself to help understand this thing.
it's funny a few weeks ago I saw you and Ida sitting on the porch and I thought here is a young(ish) woman who has a terminal illness and next to her is an old woman who looks like she can live another ten years with ease.
So we don't know.
I'll tell you I look forward to seeing you every week.
s
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